Motherhood

One of my mom's many paintings.

She went home to Jesus in 2018

Let’s be honest, motherhood is either a joyous or tenuous subject.

On Mother’s Day we praise motherhood for all the sacrifice, hard work, and unwavering love and commitment a mom gives to her children. We give her flowers or candy, a nice meal out, time with family…or time all to herself. It is the one time of year we collectively are expected to not take mom for granted.

But what if your mom was not the picture perfect sentiment on the greeting card?

What if you feel like an absolute failure at times, trying to live up to the expectations on those greeting cards?

Those expectations cause some women to purposefully forego motherhood for careers, health reasons, for other relationships, for dedication to another purpose.

Others long for motherhood, ache for it, even with the demands the job requires, yet are denied its joy because of health, loss, lack of opportunity, or unforeseen circumstances. If this is you, I pray God will provide a way for you to pour out that love deep within your heart.

There are, however, many women, past present and future, with whom God has granted the privilege of being a mom, whether by birth or adoption, or as a spiritual mentor, auntie, or dear family friend.

My journey as a mom has sometimes been messy, heartbreaking, hard, and humbling. But I wouldn’t trade it for the world because it has also been exhilarating, character-building, rewarding, hilarious, pride-filled, joyous and an absolute blessing.

Here are but a few of the many lessons I have learned…and still work on…from my relationship with my mom, from being a mom, and observing mom friends and family.

Listen “…be quick to hear, slow to speak…” (James 1:19)

If your mom is involved in your life, listen to her advice, thoughts, and concerns. You may not always agree, but if you never really listen, you may miss that pearl of wisdom that will actually be helpful or encouraging. This is where ‘honoring your mother’ can be challenging if mom is overbearing, is physically absent or emotionally distant, or a mom who has made poor choices whose advice you don’t trust. Ask God for the wisdom and patience to listen well, even if it is hard. If you have a mom that gives great advice, thank her for it from time to time.

If you are a mom to young children or adults, they want to be heard and listened to. If you have talkers, let them talk, but be sure to hear what they are saying, not what you think they are saying. And if your child keeps their thoughts deep within, hang on every word they do speak, be observant and listen to their heart when words are few. Know when commentary is needed and when just listening is all they need to know you care.

Be Present “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works…” Hebrews 10:24

It has become easier than ever to be distracted by the busyness of daily life, whether it be working at home, an over achiever to do list, your phone, or entertainment. Instead, be available for the tricky homework assignment, a mommy/daughter spa day, collect rocks with your boys, or to teach them a new board game. And truly take interest at their recitals, concerts, ball games, art exhibits, or science fairs. Make eye contact and ask questions. When they are adults, treat them like adults with engaging adult conversations and show them you value their opinion.

This does not mean hoovering over or suffocating them with constant attention. Give them their space. Teach them to be independent. But be there when they need you.

Be humble “…walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love…”

When you mess up, ask for forgiveness. Don’t beat yourself up, instead, confess and seek restoration. Hold your ground when discipline is required, yet discipline in love, not out of anger or pride. “Because mom said so” will only go so far. Instead, use God’s Word as your reasons and guide for following the rules of the house. They need to know that you are flawed just like they are but redeemed and deserving of grace.

Pray “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” Romans 12:12

Pray with them and for them. When they are little, take every opportunity to pray out loud for even the littlest things and especially the big ones. Show by example that prayer is important and effective. And when they see a prayer is answered, talk about how and why He answered the way He did. Not only will they learn how to pray, but it will also encourage your own prayer life.

Pray for your children, young or old, as often as possible. Be a prayer warrior with scabby knees. And although you may be tempted to focus most of your prayers on protection and obedience, talents and blessings, what they need prayer for most is perseverance through trials, wisdom to make right choices, and the knowledge of the Truth of the Gospel and their salvation. As they get older, ask how you can pray for them and then be diligent to pray those prayers often. And when there is no specific need, pray scripture over them.

We mamas may be broken vessels, but God’s love can still ooze through the cracks to the heart of our children, especially when we surrender them into His hands.

Motherhood is a calling. It is not for the fainthearted. Gratefully, true motherhood comes from the heart of God, and He is the source of our strength, wisdom, hope and joy as moms.

“Her children rise up and call her blessed” Proverbs 31:28a